So I was thinking...God works through lots of different things. And one way that He speaks to me sometimes is through the different blogs that I read. Recently, a friend of mine has been blogging about a commitment that she made with regards to food addiction. She is doing quite well and as I've read her blog, I've started to come to terms with the fact that my issue with weight is, in fact, a sin issue. I've never really looked at it like that before. I just figured I love food - no harm in that, right? Wrong! See - I'm having a sort of revelation here, so bear with me. I think that what I've done over the past several years is replace one addiction with another.
For those that know me well, you already know that I consider myself to have a huge problem with alcohol...although the Lord enabled me to sober up years ago, I don't think that I will ever feel comfortable around the stuff because it has been one of my life's biggest struggles. (Praise be to Him for releasing me from that addiction!!) Clean and sober I may be, but I think that I have allowed myself to take the addiction that I had to alcohol and replace it with food. The old Jennifer celebrated with alcohol, grieved with alcohol, got mad with alcohol. The new Jennifer celebrates with food, grieves with food, gets mad with food. Do you see a pattern here?
The cool thing is that the same God that poured His grace over me in the area of my alcohol addiction can do the same in the area of food addiction. I've just got to reach out to Him just like I did all those years ago about alcohol. Last night I was reading a book totally unrelated to food and the topic of overindulgence was written about and the verse that was given was Proverbs 25:16, which reads "If you find honey, eat just enough - too much of it and you will vomit"...kinda gross, I know, but how true. How many times have I felt just pure SICK after eating and eating and eating?
I say all this to say that I'm formally recognizing that I have issues with food and I'm not sure where God is going to take me now that He's convicted me of the problem, but I absolutely trust in Him because He has so radically changed my life already and this food thing is small potatoes for him (I'm so witty).
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Big head
Kendall finally had her 1 year check up today. She was a little late getting in because she had been sick. Anyhoo - everything is looking good. She handled her first finger prick like a trooper. She didn't even whimper. Just looked at the guy like he was crazy and then became interested in her blood pouring out. I think she has a future in the medical field.
Her stats:
Weight 19 pounds, 12 ounces - 25th percentile
Length 29 1/2 inches - 50th percentile
Head I can't remember - 85th percentile
So of course I freaked out and asked him what's wrong with my child's noggin. He said that nothing is wrong since it's always been big. Um, thanks doc. Seriously, he explained that her head circumference has always been 85th percentile, so he isn't concerned. Then he made some lame joke about her hat size. At that point I wanted to kick him in the throat for talking about my child's sweet head not once, but twice. I remained calm, however. No worries.
He was pleased that she's walking, saying a couple of words and feeding herself. He told me that she needs more milk than she's getting, which is difficult since he wants me to take her off the bottle and she absolutely refuses to drink milk from her cup. Juice or water from the cup is fine. But not milk. She gets a mouthful of milk, then opens her mouth and lets is pour right out. Every. Single. Time.
We're off to the beach this weekend with my parents and Megan. James has to work, so he gets to stay home and hold down the fort. I am very excited to see how KK will react to the beach this go round. She was itty bitty last time she saw the sand. It's supposed to be pretty nice this weekend, so I'm sure we'll take her to play and get nice and gritty!
Her stats:
Weight 19 pounds, 12 ounces - 25th percentile
Length 29 1/2 inches - 50th percentile
Head I can't remember - 85th percentile
So of course I freaked out and asked him what's wrong with my child's noggin. He said that nothing is wrong since it's always been big. Um, thanks doc. Seriously, he explained that her head circumference has always been 85th percentile, so he isn't concerned. Then he made some lame joke about her hat size. At that point I wanted to kick him in the throat for talking about my child's sweet head not once, but twice. I remained calm, however. No worries.
He was pleased that she's walking, saying a couple of words and feeding herself. He told me that she needs more milk than she's getting, which is difficult since he wants me to take her off the bottle and she absolutely refuses to drink milk from her cup. Juice or water from the cup is fine. But not milk. She gets a mouthful of milk, then opens her mouth and lets is pour right out. Every. Single. Time.
We're off to the beach this weekend with my parents and Megan. James has to work, so he gets to stay home and hold down the fort. I am very excited to see how KK will react to the beach this go round. She was itty bitty last time she saw the sand. It's supposed to be pretty nice this weekend, so I'm sure we'll take her to play and get nice and gritty!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Can't stop kissing her
So I have a theory that when a baby is sick, mommy's kisses make her better. Hence the reason that I am now contracting Kendall's heinous cold as I type this. She came down with a head cold (translation - concrete filled sinuses) on Tuesday. Then hives on Wednesday. Back to the Niagara Falls of snot today. Good times. But I just can't stop kissing her. I even wipe her snot with my bare hands in times of need. I am determined that my child WILL NOT walk around with crusted up snot on her face and since she practically runs when she sees a Kleenex coming at her, my only option sometimes is the stealth hand swipe, followed by clapping and saying "Yeah Kendall", which always prompts a smile.
James and I have officially turned into dorky parents. Because of Kendall's aforementioned terror of things coming at her nose, we found ourselves in the middle of the living room Tuesday night choreographing a dance to go with our "Let Us Bulb Your Nose" song. She didn't find it humorous (i.e. she FREAKED when we actually bulbed her), but James and I laugh every time we talk about it.
Tuesday brought about Kendall's first snow and her first bug swallowing. She loved the snow, cried when we brought her in. And I don't think she minded that 1/2 a ladybug she managed to swallow before I pulled the other half out of her mouth (RIP sweet ladybug).
Hope all is well in your world!
James and I have officially turned into dorky parents. Because of Kendall's aforementioned terror of things coming at her nose, we found ourselves in the middle of the living room Tuesday night choreographing a dance to go with our "Let Us Bulb Your Nose" song. She didn't find it humorous (i.e. she FREAKED when we actually bulbed her), but James and I laugh every time we talk about it.
Tuesday brought about Kendall's first snow and her first bug swallowing. She loved the snow, cried when we brought her in. And I don't think she minded that 1/2 a ladybug she managed to swallow before I pulled the other half out of her mouth (RIP sweet ladybug).
Hope all is well in your world!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
KK update
Kendall's first week of being a whole year old has been mucho fun. She has such a neat little personality. She loves to laugh at mommy and daddy being goof balls, she plays well by herself and with other people...she's just an easygoing kid.
She really likes to eat - anything and everything. The only thing that she doesn't like so far is hominy, but like my mother in law said - who does? She usually eats yogurt and cereal for breakfast, something like a grilled cheese for lunch and whatever we have for dinner. Our food has gotten a lot less spicy since she started eating with us!! James has a constant bottle of Frank's Red Hot readily available to spruce up his meals (that makes a chef feel good, let me tell you).
She loves for James and I to chase her around the house. We'll say "I'm going to get you" and off she goes. It' sso funny because even though she "runs" from us - she always stops so that we can catch her. She just giggles and giggles when we "get" her.
Bathtime is a lot more fun since mommy finally put up the baby tub (poor child was hanging over the sides of it by the time I figured she was ready for the big girl tub). She loves to splash and play. But she screams when we take her out...she doesn't like the drying off/getting dressed process.
James has her doing a couple of things that trip me out. He started showing her daiynoggin.com a while ago because she likes the songs. Well, now whenever she sees a laptop she crawls over as fast as she can and looks at the screen expectantly. Makes you feel guilty enough to go ahead and play a song for her. He's also taught her that power cords are "hot". Now when she touches one, she says "hot"...I don't think she understands that hot is a bad thing. She just thinks that's what they're called.
She is walking a little - maybe like 10 steps at the time before she either gets tired and sits or falls down. It's so cute to see her gain her balance...she truly is a precious child (I'm a bit biased).
She really likes to eat - anything and everything. The only thing that she doesn't like so far is hominy, but like my mother in law said - who does? She usually eats yogurt and cereal for breakfast, something like a grilled cheese for lunch and whatever we have for dinner. Our food has gotten a lot less spicy since she started eating with us!! James has a constant bottle of Frank's Red Hot readily available to spruce up his meals (that makes a chef feel good, let me tell you).
She loves for James and I to chase her around the house. We'll say "I'm going to get you" and off she goes. It' sso funny because even though she "runs" from us - she always stops so that we can catch her. She just giggles and giggles when we "get" her.
Bathtime is a lot more fun since mommy finally put up the baby tub (poor child was hanging over the sides of it by the time I figured she was ready for the big girl tub). She loves to splash and play. But she screams when we take her out...she doesn't like the drying off/getting dressed process.
James has her doing a couple of things that trip me out. He started showing her daiynoggin.com a while ago because she likes the songs. Well, now whenever she sees a laptop she crawls over as fast as she can and looks at the screen expectantly. Makes you feel guilty enough to go ahead and play a song for her. He's also taught her that power cords are "hot". Now when she touches one, she says "hot"...I don't think she understands that hot is a bad thing. She just thinks that's what they're called.
She is walking a little - maybe like 10 steps at the time before she either gets tired and sits or falls down. It's so cute to see her gain her balance...she truly is a precious child (I'm a bit biased).
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
From Worry to Worship
So I worry. Incessantly. It's exhausting to be in my head - I promise you never want to go there. I worry about EVERYTHING - money, family, health, jobs, school, Kendall, the economy, terrorists, aspartame, deep vein thrombosis...seriously EVERYTHING. Last week it really came to a head. I went to my closet (one of my BFFs has a closet that she goes to be with the Lord and I copied the idea) and just lay in the floor and cried out to God. I'm so TIRED of the worry. He pointed me to some scripture that deals with the topic and I prayed and then wiped my tears and resolved to do something about it. I think a lot of times I pray and just expect God to fix things without considering that I may have to play an active role in whatever it is that I'm praying about. For example, the source of worry is my thought life. So how do I change my thought life? Maybe by memorizing scripture and every time I start to worry, I recite the scripture.
Anyway - I realized that I've got to take some responsibility for my anxiety. So I found a devotional called "From Worry to Worship" and I started on it night before last. I don't know what God will show me through this book, but I already identify so much with the author's point of view, so at least I know I'm not the only crazy lady out here. I'm excited to see where this goes.
Please continue to pray for our family. Mikki passed away on Monday. Her funeral will be on Friday and I know that it will be extremely difficult. Please pray specifically for:
Anyway - I realized that I've got to take some responsibility for my anxiety. So I found a devotional called "From Worry to Worship" and I started on it night before last. I don't know what God will show me through this book, but I already identify so much with the author's point of view, so at least I know I'm not the only crazy lady out here. I'm excited to see where this goes.
Please continue to pray for our family. Mikki passed away on Monday. Her funeral will be on Friday and I know that it will be extremely difficult. Please pray specifically for:
- My Aunt Tina who has had to make some very difficult choices while mourning the loss of her baby daughter.
- Jayden, Mikki's son. He still does not know that his mommy isn't coming home. They are telling him today.
- TJ, Mikki's brother. He is heartbroken.
- My brother, "Little" Ronnie who was best friends with Mikki from childhood.
- My Ronnie dad who is performing his first funeral service.
I know that the Lord can be glorified through this situation.
Now, I realize that the point of this blog is supposed to be to talk about my sweet baby girl and I haven't done a great job of that my last few posts, so I promise I will next time. My heart has just been heavy and who better to tell about that heaviness than all of cyberspace...hee, hee.
Take care...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I don't understand
So nothing, short of a miracle, will keep my cousin alive. She has been in a coma since New Year's Eve and my Aunt has to decide whether to take her off the breathing machine by Monday. I am heartbroken. It's not even so much that Mikki and I were close in our adulthood. We hung out as children moreso than any other time. So it's not necessarily that my day to day life will be impacted, but I ache for my Aunt, for my brother (who is practically joined at the hip with Mikki) and for Jayden, whose little life will never be the same. And I just don't get it. I can't see what good will come out of her death. In my mind, it seems like a good old fashioned healing would have been much more beneficial to everyone involved. But isn't that why I'm not God (one of the bajillion reasons, of course)? Because I can't see the bigger picture. Because I don't know what is in store.
I pray that even one person, one single person would come to know Jesus as their Lord through this tragedy. I pray that instead of turning people farther away from God, this will bring them to His feet. And I pray that God will release me from the horrible guilt that I feel. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think that I honestly don't know where she will spend eternity. I don't understand why I didn't bring up Jesus - hello - it was CHRISTMAS EVE...what better time?? I'm such a coward. Maybe not even a coward...that's probably not the right word. I've become lazy and apathetic. It didn't even cross my mind to talk about my Savior when she and I were chatting. We were talking about having babies and the pain of labor and joking about how much food we had eaten...I didn't even THINK to tell her that Jesus has changed my life. What kind of Christian does that make me? (That doesn't require a response...)
But, I know that I've got to put this down. See, the sins that Jesus died for weren't just the sins that I committed BEFORE I accepted Him. As in "I'll forgive you for everything that you did before December of 2002, but girl after today, you're on your own..." And sometimes I forget that. I forget that the covering of His grace is sufficient for all the junk that I carried to the cross with me and all the rotten things I've done since. And so I rest in the promise of His forgiveness. And I praise Him for this sweet conviction that I feel. It lets me know that His Holy Spirit is alive and working in my heart. I pray that I would be bold and never apathetic or assuming again.
Sorry this post has been sort of a rambling of my jumbled up thoughts. But if you've made it this far, I appreciate you reading and I covet your prayers.
I pray that even one person, one single person would come to know Jesus as their Lord through this tragedy. I pray that instead of turning people farther away from God, this will bring them to His feet. And I pray that God will release me from the horrible guilt that I feel. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think that I honestly don't know where she will spend eternity. I don't understand why I didn't bring up Jesus - hello - it was CHRISTMAS EVE...what better time?? I'm such a coward. Maybe not even a coward...that's probably not the right word. I've become lazy and apathetic. It didn't even cross my mind to talk about my Savior when she and I were chatting. We were talking about having babies and the pain of labor and joking about how much food we had eaten...I didn't even THINK to tell her that Jesus has changed my life. What kind of Christian does that make me? (That doesn't require a response...)
But, I know that I've got to put this down. See, the sins that Jesus died for weren't just the sins that I committed BEFORE I accepted Him. As in "I'll forgive you for everything that you did before December of 2002, but girl after today, you're on your own..." And sometimes I forget that. I forget that the covering of His grace is sufficient for all the junk that I carried to the cross with me and all the rotten things I've done since. And so I rest in the promise of His forgiveness. And I praise Him for this sweet conviction that I feel. It lets me know that His Holy Spirit is alive and working in my heart. I pray that I would be bold and never apathetic or assuming again.
Sorry this post has been sort of a rambling of my jumbled up thoughts. But if you've made it this far, I appreciate you reading and I covet your prayers.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy 2009 & an update on Mikki
I can't believe that last year, at this time, I was giving birth to Kendall. I'm about to be a broken record here, but seriously - where does time go? The first couple of weeks of motherhood were scary and seemed to dddrrraaaggg by. But after that, it's like someone pressed fast forward and here we are.
2008 was a pretty amazing year. Having Kendall completely changed my heart, my marriage, my overall outlook on a lot of things for the better. The Lord has used her to build relationships with people, to soften my heart towards situations/people, to increase my trust in Him as He holds her life in His very capable hands. Being a mom is the most awesome and satisfying, yet the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. How is it possible to love someone this much? What happens if she chooses a path that isn't right for her? What happens if someone hurts her? How can I protect her forever?
Aren't those things that the Lord deals with when He looks at me? After all, I am His child. How many times has He watched as I made a decision that He knew wasn't right? How often do I hurt His heart by neglecting to nurture my relationship with Him? I pray that the Lord uses my love for Kendall to help me understand just a fraction of the love that He feels for His children.
Okay - enough of the deep stuff. Let's think of things that were cool about 2008...I'll shoot for 10 things:
1. I discovered that Costco carries Welch's fruit snacks. By the case. As in 80 packages. Yum.
2. I found the pea coat that I thought was lost forever when I cleaned out our closet in preparation for Kendall's arrival.
3. I played Santa for the first time.
4. I tried my hand at making baby food and actually enjoyed it.
5. I started watching The Office. Wow.
6. I decorated the house for Christmas and was happy to show it off.
7. I learned the value of hand-me-down toys. Thanks to all that came through in a pinch.
8. I made progress in figuring out how to do my child's hair. Sure to be a life-long struggle.
9. I learned that if my house isn't spotless all the time, life will go on.
10. I finally got a digital frame.
Now, those are kind of silly, but I hope that those that actually read this blog know my heart and realize that I am more grateful than I can express in words for the life that my Lord has blessed me with. A relationship with the Savior of the world, a husband that gives me butterflies in my stomach, a daughter that brings joy to my heart, extended family that blow me away with their love and kindness, friends to make memories with, a job that I enjoy, a church that is all about Jesus...I could go on and on. Oh, I praise God for all that He is. May 2009 be a year that I am fully surrendered to His plan for the life of this family.
**Update on Mikki**
Thank you to everyone that has been praying for my cousin. I wish I could bring better news than I have to bring. We thought that we saw a light at the end of the tunnel...she had become responsive, more alert on Sunday and Monday and then yesterday and today took a turn for the worst. Tonight, they did brain surgery to try and relieve some of the pressure in her brain. The surgeon came out to talk to us and didn't paint a very promising picture. The stroke that she had was pretty massive and damaged quite a lot of brain tissue. He cut out a section of her skull (sorry to be graphic) to allow some of the pressure to be relieved and unfortunately, the space that created was already in danger of being filled by more swelling. There is sure to be damage to her brain and functioning if she does pull through this. But I believe in miracles. I really, truly do. I told God earlier today that I honestly, from the bottom of my heart can not see a reason why this has happened and He reminded me that I don't need to see a reason for anything. The Lord has a plan. Sitting at the hospital tonight, watching the ball drop on television bringing in the New Year, I was laughing with family that 2 months ago I wouldn't have even been talking to. I saw Ronnie embrace my aunt tonight, exchange "I Love You's" and a kiss...wouldn't have happened a year ago. The Lord is at work in this situation.
I pray from the bottom of my heart that God sees fit to pull Mikki through this. She is so young and I just keep thinking about her son and how tragic losing her would be. Please join me in prayer, if you haven't already.
May you and yours be blessed in 2009...
2008 was a pretty amazing year. Having Kendall completely changed my heart, my marriage, my overall outlook on a lot of things for the better. The Lord has used her to build relationships with people, to soften my heart towards situations/people, to increase my trust in Him as He holds her life in His very capable hands. Being a mom is the most awesome and satisfying, yet the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. How is it possible to love someone this much? What happens if she chooses a path that isn't right for her? What happens if someone hurts her? How can I protect her forever?
Aren't those things that the Lord deals with when He looks at me? After all, I am His child. How many times has He watched as I made a decision that He knew wasn't right? How often do I hurt His heart by neglecting to nurture my relationship with Him? I pray that the Lord uses my love for Kendall to help me understand just a fraction of the love that He feels for His children.
Okay - enough of the deep stuff. Let's think of things that were cool about 2008...I'll shoot for 10 things:
1. I discovered that Costco carries Welch's fruit snacks. By the case. As in 80 packages. Yum.
2. I found the pea coat that I thought was lost forever when I cleaned out our closet in preparation for Kendall's arrival.
3. I played Santa for the first time.
4. I tried my hand at making baby food and actually enjoyed it.
5. I started watching The Office. Wow.
6. I decorated the house for Christmas and was happy to show it off.
7. I learned the value of hand-me-down toys. Thanks to all that came through in a pinch.
8. I made progress in figuring out how to do my child's hair. Sure to be a life-long struggle.
9. I learned that if my house isn't spotless all the time, life will go on.
10. I finally got a digital frame.
Now, those are kind of silly, but I hope that those that actually read this blog know my heart and realize that I am more grateful than I can express in words for the life that my Lord has blessed me with. A relationship with the Savior of the world, a husband that gives me butterflies in my stomach, a daughter that brings joy to my heart, extended family that blow me away with their love and kindness, friends to make memories with, a job that I enjoy, a church that is all about Jesus...I could go on and on. Oh, I praise God for all that He is. May 2009 be a year that I am fully surrendered to His plan for the life of this family.
**Update on Mikki**
Thank you to everyone that has been praying for my cousin. I wish I could bring better news than I have to bring. We thought that we saw a light at the end of the tunnel...she had become responsive, more alert on Sunday and Monday and then yesterday and today took a turn for the worst. Tonight, they did brain surgery to try and relieve some of the pressure in her brain. The surgeon came out to talk to us and didn't paint a very promising picture. The stroke that she had was pretty massive and damaged quite a lot of brain tissue. He cut out a section of her skull (sorry to be graphic) to allow some of the pressure to be relieved and unfortunately, the space that created was already in danger of being filled by more swelling. There is sure to be damage to her brain and functioning if she does pull through this. But I believe in miracles. I really, truly do. I told God earlier today that I honestly, from the bottom of my heart can not see a reason why this has happened and He reminded me that I don't need to see a reason for anything. The Lord has a plan. Sitting at the hospital tonight, watching the ball drop on television bringing in the New Year, I was laughing with family that 2 months ago I wouldn't have even been talking to. I saw Ronnie embrace my aunt tonight, exchange "I Love You's" and a kiss...wouldn't have happened a year ago. The Lord is at work in this situation.
I pray from the bottom of my heart that God sees fit to pull Mikki through this. She is so young and I just keep thinking about her son and how tragic losing her would be. Please join me in prayer, if you haven't already.
May you and yours be blessed in 2009...
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