I woke up Friday with a lot less anxiety than I thought I would feel...I can only attribute that to the prayers being lifted up for us. I figured I would wake up a nervous wreck, but that didn't happen.
The original plan was for us to have an hour of genetic counseling and then go for our ultrasound. We ended up getting a call on Thursday for the genetic counseling to be cancelled and moved to after the ultrasound, if necessary. We arrived at the diagnostic center at 10:30 (James and I met mama and Lisa there) and only had a short wait (yay). Our ultrasound nurse was very nice and explained everything that she was doing as she was doing it. The ultrasound took a while because it's so in depth...I can't think of anything that she didn't look at - hands, feet, bones, bladder, brain, fluid, ovaries (crazy to think that God gives females these organs even at 20 weeks old...praying for her future children)- everything going on in there. Of course, she couldn't tell us anything so she left to let the doc review everything.
As soon as the doctor came in, her first words were "your baby is beautiful" and I just cried with relief. Here's the deal - other than her small head, everything about the baby is perfect - brain is developing, organs are normal, measurements are on track. So the small head concern would be microcephaly - which is a scary, rare disorder that I've read way too much about this week. The doctor explained to me that microcephaly is diagnosed as a head circumference 3 standard deviations away from the mean. Yeah that's way over my head...no pun intended. The end result is that while our baby's head is small, it does not fit those criteria and she is confident that she will be born with a small head, but nothing wrong with her. She used the word "normal", and then stressed that normal isn't a word that she uses very often. I will have to have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester as a follow up.
I am so thankful to God for this reassuring appointment. I try to be pretty open and honest, so I'll admit that I'm still nervous inside. I know myself well enough to not be surprised by the (crazy) thoughts that I've still got going on and the compelling urge to research other moms that have had similar experiences. I have another 4 months to figure out what God wants to teach me through this. I'm sure that He wants to prune away some of this obsessive anxiety that I've always had - and I want Him to. I know that it's normal for moms to worry...but I've always been the type of worrier that can't shut it off...I get consumed with worry over a particular thing for weeks on end and I can't make the thoughts stop. So honestly, I pray that God would use these months to help me work through that.
And here's the thing - I've said that I want my baby to be perfect. But it dawned on me today that no matter how she's developing, she IS perfect because God is making her...she's being knit together right now as I feel her kicking away and she's exactly what God wants her to be. And I'm already honored to be her mommy...God chose ME to be THIS child's mommy. It's a privilege and I'll spend the next four months with a focus on taking care of myself and of her and growing closer to the Lord...with maybe a little more research thrown in :-)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
At times like these...
Yesterday was both an exciting day and a scary day for our family. We had our follow-up ultrasound (because the baby was laying in a weird position last time and the tech couldn't get all of the measurements that she needed). We got to see some really sweet shots of our sweet GIRL (yep - still a girl) and even got to come home with some 4D pictures (didn't get any of those with Kendall). The tech was able to get all of the measurements that she needed and then I met with the doctor.
It turns out that the baby's head is measuring very small - somewhere around the 4th percentile while her other measurements are around the 40-60th percentiles. The doctor tried to make me feel better, but is concerned enough to be sending us for a Level II ultrasound at Duke tomorrow morning.
I'm a wreck.
It's times like these that I realize how much more work God has to do in me. I would love to say that I've handled the situation with faith and calm, but really yesterday found me standing in my kitchen raising my voice at my faithful and calm husband because he is so faithful and calm and I'm so...not. I wish I could say that I didn't hop right on the internet (which is what the doctor told me NOT to do), but I did and now I've scared myself senseless. I wish I could say that whatever God shows us tomorrow, I'm okay with because I know it's His plan, but I'm just a mommy who wants a healthy baby and I'm afraid and confused and I feel like that hot dog I ate in the mountains must have somehow hurt my child...okay, that's pushing it, but I am filled with guilt that if something is wrong that it's my fault.
Granted, everything could be fine and I could be borrowing trouble and making myself sick over nothing. But how do you ever get to the point where you can patiently wait on something like this without worrying? I would think that after nearly 10 years with Jesus, I'd have this thing down. But I don't.
Here's what I do know - I am blessed beyond measure. I have the love and support of so many people that it makes my head spin. I know that there are literally hundreds of people praying for my sweet girl and I know that God hears all of those prayers and that He will prepare and equip us for whatever tomorrow holds. He loves my daughter far more than even I do and He has a plan, not only for me but for her.
So in the midst of fear and worry and a hurting heart, there is also hope knowing that God's showing me something in all this...even if I can't see it right now.
It turns out that the baby's head is measuring very small - somewhere around the 4th percentile while her other measurements are around the 40-60th percentiles. The doctor tried to make me feel better, but is concerned enough to be sending us for a Level II ultrasound at Duke tomorrow morning.
I'm a wreck.
It's times like these that I realize how much more work God has to do in me. I would love to say that I've handled the situation with faith and calm, but really yesterday found me standing in my kitchen raising my voice at my faithful and calm husband because he is so faithful and calm and I'm so...not. I wish I could say that I didn't hop right on the internet (which is what the doctor told me NOT to do), but I did and now I've scared myself senseless. I wish I could say that whatever God shows us tomorrow, I'm okay with because I know it's His plan, but I'm just a mommy who wants a healthy baby and I'm afraid and confused and I feel like that hot dog I ate in the mountains must have somehow hurt my child...okay, that's pushing it, but I am filled with guilt that if something is wrong that it's my fault.
Granted, everything could be fine and I could be borrowing trouble and making myself sick over nothing. But how do you ever get to the point where you can patiently wait on something like this without worrying? I would think that after nearly 10 years with Jesus, I'd have this thing down. But I don't.
Here's what I do know - I am blessed beyond measure. I have the love and support of so many people that it makes my head spin. I know that there are literally hundreds of people praying for my sweet girl and I know that God hears all of those prayers and that He will prepare and equip us for whatever tomorrow holds. He loves my daughter far more than even I do and He has a plan, not only for me but for her.
So in the midst of fear and worry and a hurting heart, there is also hope knowing that God's showing me something in all this...even if I can't see it right now.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
21 weeks
•How Far Along: 21 Weeks
•Size of baby: Length of a banana
•Total Weight Gain/Loss: Actually, none...but that works because I'm already overweight and am only supposed to gain 15-20 total. I didn't start gaining until 3rd trimester with Kendall, so we'll see how things go.
•Maternity Clothes: Still getting use out of my Belly Band with my regular pants for work and I live in maternity jeans any other time.
•Gender: It's a girl!! Well, the ultrasound tech was almost positive it's a girl, at least.
•Movement: Definitely...can't feel from outside quite yet, much to James' dismay. But a couple of times a day, she gets really active. I love it.
•Sleep: Up to use the potty twice a night, every night...at the point where I can't sleep on my back or stomach, so side to side it is.
•What I miss: Spicy tuna rolls and a flowing fountain of diet mountain dew.
•Cravings: Grapes, bacon...not together.
•Symptoms: I feel really good...the second trimester is so amazing to me - energy, attitude back to normal, healthy appetite.
•Best Moment this week: Lots and lots of movement.
•Next up: I have my monthly appointment, with another ultrasound on 3/18...or 3/16 - I can't really remember. Baby Mason was turned the wrong way for the tech to get all the measurements she needed last time, so I get an extra peek...praying everything looks good.
•Size of baby: Length of a banana
•Total Weight Gain/Loss: Actually, none...but that works because I'm already overweight and am only supposed to gain 15-20 total. I didn't start gaining until 3rd trimester with Kendall, so we'll see how things go.
•Maternity Clothes: Still getting use out of my Belly Band with my regular pants for work and I live in maternity jeans any other time.
•Gender: It's a girl!! Well, the ultrasound tech was almost positive it's a girl, at least.
•Movement: Definitely...can't feel from outside quite yet, much to James' dismay. But a couple of times a day, she gets really active. I love it.
•Sleep: Up to use the potty twice a night, every night...at the point where I can't sleep on my back or stomach, so side to side it is.
•What I miss: Spicy tuna rolls and a flowing fountain of diet mountain dew.
•Cravings: Grapes, bacon...not together.
•Symptoms: I feel really good...the second trimester is so amazing to me - energy, attitude back to normal, healthy appetite.
•Best Moment this week: Lots and lots of movement.
•Next up: I have my monthly appointment, with another ultrasound on 3/18...or 3/16 - I can't really remember. Baby Mason was turned the wrong way for the tech to get all the measurements she needed last time, so I get an extra peek...praying everything looks good.
Friday, February 4, 2011
I take it back
Remember that whole "they should just send me straight to the nutritionist" thing...yeah - I take that back. Turns out I actually PASSED my 3 hour glucose test. I was shocked. I had already resigned myself to a finger prickin good time.
They'll test me again at 7 months, which means I get the pleasure of doing both tests again. So we shall see what that shows.
I'm feeling good...it's amazing to me how much more normal I feel in the 2nd trimester. Both times it's like I went to bed this queasy, irritable, non motivated hot mess and woke up energized, hungry and much more cheerful pregnant lady. I still cry easily, but truthfully, I think I'm just a cry baby in my old age...not sure it has too much to do with the baby.
They'll test me again at 7 months, which means I get the pleasure of doing both tests again. So we shall see what that shows.
I'm feeling good...it's amazing to me how much more normal I feel in the 2nd trimester. Both times it's like I went to bed this queasy, irritable, non motivated hot mess and woke up energized, hungry and much more cheerful pregnant lady. I still cry easily, but truthfully, I think I'm just a cry baby in my old age...not sure it has too much to do with the baby.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sugar high
So no surprise here, but I failed the 1 hour glucose test that I took last week. Even though I knew it was coming, I cried and cried when the nurse called to tell me that I needed to come in for the 3 hour test. Now that I've thought about it - I really don't understand why they are having me come in for the 3 hour test. I failed both the 1 hour and the 3 hour last pregnancy and I've failed the one hour this time. Shouldn't we save everyone's time and money (and my blood) by going ahead and sending me to the nutritionist and calling it a day?
Other than that, my appointment last week went well and we'll find out what Baby Mason is on Valentine's Day, which I thought was quite appropriate.
Other than that, my appointment last week went well and we'll find out what Baby Mason is on Valentine's Day, which I thought was quite appropriate.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Happy New Year
2010 flew by. I really think time has started going much faster since Kendall was born. It always flew by, but now it's like crazy super warp speed or something.
Unfortunately James had to work on New Year's Eve...until 2 a.m. What is it about these rich folks that they feel they can't celebrate major holidays inside their 10,000 square foot, million dollar homes? No - they'd rather be stressing my poor hubs out at the country club. Actually, he never, never, EVER complains...he's one of the few people that I can honestly say loves his job. And I usually don't complain about it (anymore), but dag - can a girl kiss her husband on NYE? Anyway - Kendall and I had a most excellent time having game night with family and close friends. We hosted my parents and grandmother (Ronnie's mom), Rena Bena (who has become a fast family friend in the last few months) and my BFF Melissa, Dean, Courtney, and Alex. It was honestly one of the best nights of 2010, which is fitting as the year came to a close. We played Apples to Apples (best. game. ever) and Loaded Questions (not as fun as when we played on Thanksgiving...you've gotta have people willing to say some crazy stuff to make it funny). Then we watched the ball drop and I sat here shaking my head and the "artists" on Dick Clark's NYE show. I guess I'm old because they just made my forehead wrinkle up more than usual...I didn't even bob my head.
Kendall and I got in the bed way late, but I was up pretty early to get things ready for my sweet girl's princess birthday party. I was raised to have small, intimate family parties and so far that's what we've done with Kendall. Only 10 people total. I find that I'm able to splurge more on the party supplies when it's a smaller number and she doesn't get overwhelmed. I decked out the kitchen in purple - Princess Tiana plates and napkins, purple forks and cups, loads of confetti, princess wands, necklaces, rings with bling, etc. My sister in law brought tiaras for all of us girls to wear, too. I did finger foods that turned out really cute - cream cheese/strawberry jam sandwiches cut out into cute shapes, fruit kabob "wands" with a pink yogurt dip, popcorn (Kendall's favorite), pink lemonade, etc. Then I sat out little dishes of all sorts of candy in purple and green to match the decor. Truly - I embraced what teeny weeny bit of creativity I have and it turned out really great.
Kendall got a bike from Mommy and Daddy and because it was 60 degrees, we were able to go ride some. We finished up the day by taking her to see the Yogi Bear movie and to eat at the "peanut place" aka Lone Star. It was a perfect, perfect day.
It still amazes me that I've been a parent for 3 years. James, too...he said that very thing about 10 times on her birthday. She is such a joy...I am so grateful that God chose me to be her mom. She actually left for the mountains with my parents on Sunday and I know I'm supposed to enjoy "me" time when she's not here, but I don't like it. I'd rather be with her, no doubt about it. James and I are headed to the mountains tomorrow after work and I'll be so glad to kiss her sweet lips.
Unfortunately James had to work on New Year's Eve...until 2 a.m. What is it about these rich folks that they feel they can't celebrate major holidays inside their 10,000 square foot, million dollar homes? No - they'd rather be stressing my poor hubs out at the country club. Actually, he never, never, EVER complains...he's one of the few people that I can honestly say loves his job. And I usually don't complain about it (anymore), but dag - can a girl kiss her husband on NYE? Anyway - Kendall and I had a most excellent time having game night with family and close friends. We hosted my parents and grandmother (Ronnie's mom), Rena Bena (who has become a fast family friend in the last few months) and my BFF Melissa, Dean, Courtney, and Alex. It was honestly one of the best nights of 2010, which is fitting as the year came to a close. We played Apples to Apples (best. game. ever) and Loaded Questions (not as fun as when we played on Thanksgiving...you've gotta have people willing to say some crazy stuff to make it funny). Then we watched the ball drop and I sat here shaking my head and the "artists" on Dick Clark's NYE show. I guess I'm old because they just made my forehead wrinkle up more than usual...I didn't even bob my head.
Kendall and I got in the bed way late, but I was up pretty early to get things ready for my sweet girl's princess birthday party. I was raised to have small, intimate family parties and so far that's what we've done with Kendall. Only 10 people total. I find that I'm able to splurge more on the party supplies when it's a smaller number and she doesn't get overwhelmed. I decked out the kitchen in purple - Princess Tiana plates and napkins, purple forks and cups, loads of confetti, princess wands, necklaces, rings with bling, etc. My sister in law brought tiaras for all of us girls to wear, too. I did finger foods that turned out really cute - cream cheese/strawberry jam sandwiches cut out into cute shapes, fruit kabob "wands" with a pink yogurt dip, popcorn (Kendall's favorite), pink lemonade, etc. Then I sat out little dishes of all sorts of candy in purple and green to match the decor. Truly - I embraced what teeny weeny bit of creativity I have and it turned out really great.
Kendall got a bike from Mommy and Daddy and because it was 60 degrees, we were able to go ride some. We finished up the day by taking her to see the Yogi Bear movie and to eat at the "peanut place" aka Lone Star. It was a perfect, perfect day.
It still amazes me that I've been a parent for 3 years. James, too...he said that very thing about 10 times on her birthday. She is such a joy...I am so grateful that God chose me to be her mom. She actually left for the mountains with my parents on Sunday and I know I'm supposed to enjoy "me" time when she's not here, but I don't like it. I'd rather be with her, no doubt about it. James and I are headed to the mountains tomorrow after work and I'll be so glad to kiss her sweet lips.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
New baby
Hard to believe that I kept my pregnancy pretty much a secret for almost an entire trimester! We are very excited to finally announce that we are expecting Little Mason #2 in July 2011. I'll be 12 weeks in a couple of days and am feeling great. Still hormonal and tired, but not sickly anymore and happy that we've seen and heard the little heartbeat and my doctor's visits so far have been good! I will have to take the glucose test next doctor appointment - since I had gestational diabetes last time, she wants to make sure I don't have early onset this time. She is pretty sure I'll have it, just not sure if it will have shown up already. Boo on that, but it's not the end of the world and in fact, forces me to eat much, much better - which is a good thing.
Kendall is beyond excited - she talks about her baby brother or baby sister all the time. She walks around with baby dolls up her shirt and pretends she has a baby in her belly. She gives my belly zerberts all the time. It's such a cool time for her and I'm glad we made the choice to wait 3 years. She'll be 3 1/2 when the baby arrives.
Christmas was fabulous and now we're snowed in together - James did have to work today, but thankfully they decided to close, so we're about to head outside to build a snowwoman (Kendall wants it to have a girl necklace, so I'm assuming it's a snowwoman, not a snowman).
Kendall is beyond excited - she talks about her baby brother or baby sister all the time. She walks around with baby dolls up her shirt and pretends she has a baby in her belly. She gives my belly zerberts all the time. It's such a cool time for her and I'm glad we made the choice to wait 3 years. She'll be 3 1/2 when the baby arrives.
Christmas was fabulous and now we're snowed in together - James did have to work today, but thankfully they decided to close, so we're about to head outside to build a snowwoman (Kendall wants it to have a girl necklace, so I'm assuming it's a snowwoman, not a snowman).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
